Marilyn Horan
Rosie the underappreciated secretary in Bye, Bye Birdie laments to her boss and long time love interest,
Albert, a “music business bum,”: “An English teacher is really someone/ How
proud I'd be if you had become one/ It could have been such a wonderful life.”
Other benefits of being an English teacher according to Rosie are having a
little apartment in Queens and a summer vacation. “We would know what life means/A
man who’s got his Master’s/Is really someone” she continues in her fruitless
attempt to get Albert to change professions. While the song is tongue-in-cheek, listening to it in the
theater made me feel proud of having been an English teacher for more than
thirty-five years. Here are
the top ten reasons why.
1. You are the font of knowledge.
Teachers in the lounge, always ask for your help when they are puzzled by a
crossword clue.
2. You are the word wizard. Secretaries and other school personnel
seek your advice about grammar, word usage, and spelling. “Affect/Effect” is the number one
followed by “use to/used to,” “than/then,” “a lot/alot.”
3. No matter how old a person is, to him you are the strict
authority on language. Whenever
acquaintances or friends write to you, at the end of the letter they apologize
for their spelling and grammar, knowing you are always on the lookout for
mistakes.
4. People apologize to you often. When people speak to you, they often ask you to excuse their
accent, Brooklyn, Long Island, foreign or otherwise. Sometimes they blush and stammer and self-correct their
pronunciation.
5. The pen truly is mightier than the sword. The red pen is even mightier. You can
wound with a red pen. The size,
severity, and bloodiness of the wounds inflicted depend upon how many essays
you have to grade by Monday morning and how many times the students ignore the
rules for writing you have established, day after day after day.
6. English teachers are the
Renaissance men and women of the school.
Having read voraciously throughout your life, plus completing all those
English, American, and Comparative Literature classes, you are well versed in
many areas of knowledge. Wear your
crowns proudly.
7. What other job can provide you with the opportunity to
discuss poetry for fifty minutes every day for a week with students who start
out hating it and end up writing it, sometimes even producing poems that do not
have the words “blue/you,” “love/dove/glove”?
8. English teachers are unflappable. Teaching the forms of the verb “lie” and “lay” and hearing
the class snicker is so much fun. Peals of laughter follow as various students
use the past tense of “lay” in suggestive ways, and the class is super charged
to witness your shock. This is
your turn to prove that you are not thrown off by any question about grammar, and, in fact, despite your
age, lack of coolness, and the strand of pearls you occasionally wear, you can
still get excited about something and that something, young men and women, is
proper usage.
9. Students always remember their English teachers, even if it
is in direct proportion to the perceived difficulty and boredom factor of the
books she made them read. Former
students on Facebook will sometimes ask, “How’s the old Scarlet Letter?” or “Anytime I hear about The Scarlet
Letter, I think about you.” In a diner, at the movie theater, at a
school reunion, the first response to seeing me is: “Ms. Horan! The Scarlet Letter! I
hated that book.” Even though these
reluctant readers insult my beloved Hawthorne work, at least they remember me.
10. Begetting more English teachers
is the greatest reward. These days
most college students go for a degree in teaching history. When I hear that a
former student is going to teach English, as I did just the other day, I feel
great. Creating writers is even better, and I still beam with happiness about a
book written by a former student who thanked me for spurring her on to a
writing career. All right, I admit
that the best accomplishment for me as an English teacher would be that I get
to use my skills to become a great writer myself, now that my work with
students is over.
So, if there is anybody out there
thinking about a career, remember that an English teacher is really someone.
No comments:
Post a Comment